Relationships can be challenging, and sometimes, things can go wrong despite the best intentions of both partners. However, some behaviors can be particularly damaging to a relationship, and it is essential to identify and avoid them. In this article, we will discuss five major relationship killers that you may want to avoid.
Controlling Behavior
Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear can motivate various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior can fall into two major categories: overt control and covert control. Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming, anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism, and ridicule. Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying, and denying.
Controlling behavior can result in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid. It is crucial to remember that healthy relationships require mutual respect and trust, and controlling behavior can damage both. Communication is key in a healthy relationship, and it is essential to express your concerns and feelings in a respectful and non-judgmental way.
Resistance
Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of losing themselves, and the moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance and withdrawal. When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant, which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled, the relationship can become immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.
It is important to recognize that resistance is a form of control and can be just as damaging as overt control. In a healthy relationship, both partners should be free to express their feelings, thoughts, and needs, and there should be a balance of power. It is essential to communicate and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
Neediness
Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their loneliness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.
It is important to remember that your partner’s job is not to complete you but to compliment you. A healthy relationship requires both partners to be self-sufficient and independent. It is important to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs and communicate them clearly to your partner. It is also essential to maintain a balance between giving and receiving in a relationship.
Substance and Process Addictions
Most people who feel empty inside turn to addictions. While no one plans on becoming an addict in any realm, it can happen. Substance and process addictions can create an unhealthy environment and lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
It is essential to recognize the signs of addiction and seek professional help if necessary. It is also important to support your partner through their recovery and communicate your concerns and feelings in a non-judgmental and supportive way.
Eyes on Partner’s Plate
Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems but completely unaware of what they are doing. It is important to remember that you cannot change anyone. It is not your job to fix your partner, and you can only change yourself.
It is essential to take responsibility for your own actions and behavior in a relationship. Communication is key, and it is important to express your concerns and feelings in a non-judgmental and respectful way. It is also important to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
